Family Corner: FATHERS

It has been a year since my father passed away. Many thoughts have gone through my mind since then and many of them have been negative memories. Recently I started to remember the good times I had with my father. I believe that this is the start of true healing. Through remembering the good times, I believe I am beginning to forgive him for the things that did not happen. This is very important.

I remember going with my dad on camping trips for Y-Indian Guides the same weekends my mom and sister would go on Girl Scout trips. I remember getting in the canoe and going around the little lake. I enjoyed my time alone with my dad. A very special time was the moment he said he was proud of me when I graduated from college. This has more meaning to me now than when he actually said it. I remember going to Florida and having no A/C in the car then coming back and the next day my father getting a used car with A/C. Little things - but it is the little things that shape us.

The biggest thing a son needs is his father. The one thing I missed out on was having a real relationship with my father as I grew up. He was diagnosed with MS the year I was married and it affected him quickly, so he had a tough time doing the things he did previously. He could no longer do things he loved at the end, like play with his trains or even drive. It was tough on him and in the end on me. I had a family of my own and they were my priority, so I did not see much of him, not that I saw a lot of him before.

My whole life I was looking for a father figure. I used my coaches in that role and felt great when my college coaches told me they were proud of me when I made the National Team. That is a story in itself. I find myself using anything I can find to show me how to be that strong father to my sons. I am not neglecting my daughter but my sons need a good father to lead them and to be a real role model. I love them all - no doubt. There are people in our church I look up to and see how they are with their sons and I try to soak it all in. I have been given books to read right at the perfect time, when I needed them. These are all things I can use to improve my relationship with our sons. I want to be the best father I can be and stop the cycle of fathers not being around. I do whatever I can to spend as much time as I can with our kids so they will have a lot of good memories of their dad. I do not want them to have to search for a father figure.

I never remember going to church with my father. I usually went with my grandparents. I often wonder what my children will remember. Will they remember that I was with them at church? Or will they remember that I was always busy running around doing different service things when I was at church? Things our kids do make me realize what they remember, and makes me realize that they truly are watching. One time my oldest son was pretending he was giving a sermon. Prior to his “sermon,” he had his sister and brother sing a few songs for worship, and then he opened with prayer. He had a podium and had papers from which he was reading. It was very realistic! When he was finished, he even gave a few “announcements.” As they were playing this out, my wife and I found it hysterical, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much they really do soak up. I realized how important it is for me to be a positive example to my kids, because they are always watching.

Just as I watch or study other Christian men with their children, I also need to be watching for how the Lord wants me to be raising my children. I need to remember to be continually in the scriptures studying the ULTIMATE father figure. I miss my dad, but now I can enjoy the memories of the few good times we had together. I can use that experience as just one part of my growth in being a strong spiritual leader of my family and a strong father figure for my children.

D. Slinn

A Little Fellow Follows Me

A careful man I ought to be,

A little fellow follows me.

I do not dare to go astray,

For fear he’ll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,

What’er he sees me do, he tries.

Like me, he says, he’s going to be,

The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,

Believes in every word of mine.

The base in me he must not see,

That little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go,

Through summers’ sun and winters’ snow

I’m building for the years to be,

In the little chap who follows me.

C. W. White, Sr.