Family Corner:
RESPONSIBILITY AND
FORGIVENESS
All of us bring "excess baggage" into marriage. That
includes personality weaknesses, personal problems, opinions, ideals, etc. When
something goes wrong it is our natural inclination to "pass the
buck." That is wrong. We must take responsibility for our own shortcomings
and errors. Though it may be difficult to admit that "I am wrong," or
that "I am a part of the problem," it is a part of our obligation to
our mate. It is a necessity and not an option. When you are wrong, you need to
be mature enough to own up to it. Both husbands and wives need to put away
their pride and learn to say, "I'm sorry." A sincere, heartfelt
apology will go a long way in keeping the warmth in a marriage relationship.
There is the other side of the coin that must be looked at
also. That is forgiveness. Forgiveness is also fuel that keeps the home fires
burning and the relationship warm. Now, I know some will protest at this point.
Their attitude is similar to what one bitter woman said to her counselor...
"It will be a cold day in hell before I ever forgive my husband. He does
not deserve to be forgiven!" Few will be as crass as that woman, but many
hold the same malignant attitude. Perhaps she was right. But I must point out Ephesians 3:13 which says that we are
not to hold grudges, but be tolerant and ready to forgive. Note the specific
words, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have
a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do likewise."
None of us deserve the forgiveness of our sins. But when you receive Christ as
your Savior it is freely given. Because Christ has forgiven us, we are to
forgive others. When you forgive someone, what does that mean? Dr. Jay Adams
says (I am paraphrasing): First, it means you are promising and choosing not to
use it against the person in the future. Second, you are promising and choosing
not to talk to others about it. Lastly, you are promising and choosing not to
dwell on it yourself. Dispense forgiveness
in generous amounts. It pays off.
ROMANCE
The sixth suggestion I offer you is, keep romance alive in your relationship.
Some will say, "Oh come on now, you don't ever find romance mentioned in
the Bible." To be sure, the
word "romance" does not appear in the Bible, but illustrations of it
do. Read The Song Of Solomon or the story of Ruth and Boaz as recorded in the
Old Testament Book of Ruth. There you will find romance in all of its purity
and excitement.
Did you know that the absence of romantic love is on the top of
the heap as a source of depression among married women? Dr. James Dobson says,
"A man can be contented with a kind of business partnership in marriage,
provided sexual privileges are a part of the arrangement. As long as the wife
prepares dinner each evening, is reasonably amiable, and doesn't nag him during
football season, he can be satisfied." But that is not the case with the
wife! She yearns to be her husband's special sweetheart. She would likely trade
the new TV, her dishwasher or just about anything for a single expression of
genuine tenderness and attention that does not have to be "paid for"
with sex.
A wise husband will take his wife on dates, remember anniversaries
and special days. He will write her love notes or get her a small gift for no
special reason.
A word of wisdom to the wives. Don't neglect your husbands.
Husbands appreciate love notes too. He wants you to be appealing to him just as
much as you want him to be romantic with you.
If you want to keep the home fires burning men, you will stimulate
romance in your relationship. Ladies, if you want to have a warm marital
relationship you will not treat your physical obligation to your husband as a
"necessary evil."
There is one final suggestion I want to share with you. It focuses
on the spiritual aspect of your relationship.
ACTIVE SPIRITUAL INVOLVEMENT
The kind of self-giving love needed to sustain a marriage
relationship cannot be generated merely by personal desire, but it is
available. The logical question is, "What is the source?" The answer
is, "It is available from God, through His Son, Jesus Christ."
The Bible says in 1 John 4:8, "God is love."
In order to tap into the reservoir of God's love a person must believe on Jesus
Christ. The moment you put your faith in Christ, Romans 5:5 tells us, "...the love
of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." At that moment God
gives you the desire and the power to initiate the self-giving love needed to
sustain your marriage.
Simply stated, spiritual
involvement begins with personal faith in the risen Savior, Jesus Christ. Have
you ever prayed, admitting to God that you are a sinner? Have you ever asked
the Lord to forgive your sins? Have you ever told Christ you believe He died
for your sins and arose from the dead? Have you ever personally invited Christ
to come into your life and be your Savior from the guilt, penalty and power of
sin? If not, why not do it right now. You could pray something like this...
Dear Lord Jesus, I confess that I am a sinner. Please forgive
me for all my sins. I believe the Bible which says You died to pay for my sins.
I believe You arose from the dead and are alive today. Please come into my life
this very moment and be my personal Savior. Thank you for hearing and answering
my prayer. Amen.
If you just prayed that prayer and believe what you prayed,
Christ is now your Savior. That's where spiritual involvement begins. The next
step is to get involved in a good, solid, Bible preaching church. That is
important to your marriage and a study done by a
Wouldn't you agree that the warmth of being in love beats the
coldness of a utilitarian relationship? If so, get busy and start stoking the
fire with the fuel... Caring Companionship, Complete Commitment, Charitable
Communication, Expressing Appreciation, Responsibility and Forgiveness,
Romance, and Active Spiritual Involvement.
D.
L. Brown
1 Corinthians 13:4-10:
“Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its
own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes
all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are
prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease;
whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and
we prophesy in part. But when that which
is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.”