Family Corner:

Three Kinds of Love

Did you know that there are three kinds of love? As we describe them, use them as a mirror to evaluate the love relationships you now have with your friends and family.

1. The first type of love is, sadly, the only kind many people ever know. It’s what we call “Love, if.” It’s the love you and I give or receive only when certain requirements are met. One must do something to earn it. “If you are a good boy, Daddy will give you a hug.” “If you meet my expectations as a lover…if you satisfy my desires…if you change your ways…then, I will love you!” Parents often communicate this type of love, even if it is not said outright, by inferring or by action that if their children get good grades, dress or act a certain way, etc. they will be more lovable. This kind of love is always offered in exchange for something wanted.

“Love, if” always has strings attached. As long as the conditions are met, things are fine. But, when there is reluctance to do what their partner or friend wishes, the love is withdrawn. Sadly, this kind of conditional love usually destroys itself because, sooner or later, one partner, or both, will fail to meet the requirements of the other.

Many marriages fall apart and end in divorce because the relationship was built on this kind of a sandy foundation. The husband or wife turns out to be “in love,” not with the actual person, but rather with some romanticized image. When disillusionment sets in, or expectations cease to be met, “Love, if” often turns to resentment, and bitterness. Tragically, the persons involved may never know why things fell apart.

2. The second type of love (and perhaps most people marry based on this one), is “Love, because.” In this kind of love, the person is loved because of something he/she is, has, or does. The feelings of love are produced by certain conditions or qualities in the one loved. Perhaps someone will say, “Love, because” sounds pretty good to me. I want to be loved for what I am, for the qualities and things in my life. What’s wrong with that?” Nothing, perhaps. Having someone love us because of what we are puts us more at ease. We know something about us is lovable.

To be loved this way, however, soon becomes no better than trying to earn the “if” kind of love. In addition, it’s a shaky foundation upon which to establish a marriage or any lasting relationship.

Example: If the love of your boy friend, husband or wife is based on your beauty or good looks, what happens if you should become disfigured in an accident? What if someone more beautiful or handsomer comes along? Will not this kind of love be threatened?

3. The third kind of love is startling in its concept. It is love without conditions. It says, “I love you in spite of any defects or shortcomings in you. I love you no matter what could ever happen to change you. You can’t do anything to lose my love. I love you, period!” Such love finds no room for fear, frustration, or envy. This is Agape love, God’s Love, “I have loved you with an Everlasting love; therefore, I have drawn you with loving-kindness!” It is unconditional Love, which always has the best interests of the loved one in heart and mind.

Don’t settle for second best! Aim for the stars! The rewards of this kind of love cannot be measured…

~ Selected ~

Love’s Alchemy

Love is the filling from one’s own

Another’s cup

Love is a daily laying down

And taking up;

A choosing of the stony path

Through each new day

That other feet may tread with ease

A smoother way.

Love is not blind, but looks abroad

Through other eyes;

And asks not “Must I give?” but

“May I sacrifice?”

Love hides its grief, that other hearts

And lips my sing;

And burdened, walks, that other

Lives may, buoyant, wing.

Christian, have you a love like this

Within your soul?

‘Twill fill your life with joy and peace

if ‘tis your goal.