WHEN LONELINESS GRIPS YOU

David was on the run. He had left his family and friends in an effort to escape King Saul and what appeared to be a sure death. Miles from home, a handful of acquaintances caught up with him. Then others gathered as well. So though there were familiar faces in the group, most were people he did not know. They had the reputation of being outcasts – men who were discontent in many ways (1 Samuel 22:1-2). Their presence may have softened the emotional blows that come from being an exile and a labeled renegade. But it did little to stave off the feelings of loneliness that were gathering in David’s heart.

Hiding out in the cave of Adullam, he tried to make sense out of what had happened over the prior weeks and months. When word reached King Saul of his location, the ruler gave red-hot pursuit, seeking to hunt him down and kill him. David knew his situation was not going to change quickly. Saul’s quest continued for months and then years – leading to an even greater potential for loneliness and anxiety to build. Nevertheless, as we read the Psalms, we discover David did not succumb to the enemy’s snare.

Years before Saul even thought of taking up weapons against him, David had learned several life-changing truths concerning loneliness. As a young man, he had taken care of his father’s sheep. And while he may have occasionally encountered other herdsmen, he was alone a great deal of the time. I doubt, however, that he would have said that he was lonely, because David was keenly aware of being in God’s presence. This one truth changed the way he would deal with adversity and feelings of loneliness later in life. In Psalms 55:22 he wrote, “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”

Don’t ignore your feelings - Loneliness is a painful emotion. If we ignore our sense of loneliness, the isolation only intensifies. There will be inescapable moments when we feel lonely. Likewise, there will be occasions when we enjoy being on our own. Other times, we may be in a room full of people and yet experience an acute sense of being isolated. Satan loves to entice us to feel unloved, unwanted, and unfit – as if no ones cares. His goal is to prevent you from being what God wants you to be. However, it is good to remember that this happens when we are focused on self instead on our Creator.

Loneliness is contingent on the company we keep, our social standing, or income. Some of the richest people in the world are also the loneliest. Some of the poorest are among the happiest. David, was anointed king of Israel. However, this did not prevent him from battling a profound sense of loneliness. He had to learn how to deal ruthlessly with these feelings, and we need to do the same. Loneliness is the gateway to other negative emotions. If we don’t deal with them, we could end up also battling feelings of bitterness, anger and frustration. Each one of these has serious consequences.

Denial is not an option. Telling others, “I’m not lonely” when you are falling apart on the inside does little good. This will only mask the problem. If left unaddressed, loneliness will sap our energy, divide our mind, and prevent us from enjoying the goodness of God’s blessings. It is one of Satan’s primary weapons for discouraging you. He knows that if he can undermine your godly support system, he will have a chance at eroding your emotions with feelings of doubt.

Satan’s goal is to prevent you from being what God has created you to be. My advice to believers who are struggling in this area is this: Don’t believe a single word spoken by the Enemy. Jesus made it very clear that Satan is a liar and that there is no truth in him (John 8:44). How do you recognize his deceitful voice? Ask God to give you a discerning heart. Make sure your life is free of all known sin. Forgiveness purifies our emotions. It positions us to hear God’s voice and understand His truth spoken to us over the clamor and clutter of Satan’s negative input.

You also need to tap into these truths: Our heavenly Father loves you with an everlasting love, and He promised never to leave you (Jeremiah 31:3; Hebrews 13:5). This means you are never alone. When you drive to the grocery store, He is with you. When you are on your job, He is right beside you. He is aware of every problem you face. He has the solution. He knows the difficulties, the obstacles, and the route you need to take.

David set the focus of his heart on the Lord and not on his circumstances. When you let go of your burden and allow God to work, you will notice a huge difference in the way you approach life. You won’t be battered by feelings of being alone. Instead, you will be able to say, as David did, “…though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me” (Psa. 23:4).

We should never forget that God created us for fellowship. This was part of His original design. He desires our friendship, love, and worship. But we are often afraid to open our hearts to Him and we transfer this same hesitation to other relationships. We meet new people, but instead of spending time getting to know them, we derail potential friendships by projected messages like, “Don’t get too close;” “Stay where you are;” or “I don’t want to be bothered.” We pay a serious price for reclusiveness. Doctor’s offices are full of people who are hurting emotionally and don’t understand why they feel lonely. They have shut God out, closed the door to His fellowship, and dismissed their need for others. However, David, even though his heart was breaking at times, refused to fall into that pattern. You must come to a point where you realize that healthy relationships with godly people who are willing to encourage you in your Christian walk are crucial to your spiritual health and growth.

Recovery from loneliness begins when you recognize there is a problem. Most of the time, the first step is the hardest one to take. But until you face the fact that you feel lonely, you will never gain the victory in this area.

The second thing you must do is reconcile your desires with God’s. This means being willing to lay aside what you want in an effort to proclaim your need for a stronger faith in Christ’s redemptive power.

Many of the pleasures that people seek are not God’s best. They become determined to obtain what He does not want them to have. By doing this, they create tension in their relationship with Him. If they continue, there will come a point when He will allow them to have what they falsely believe will bring them happiness. But it never does – at least not for long. You need to be serious in your desire to know God. Spend time with him each day, and you will notice that the loneliness you once felt is diminishing.

The third step to overcoming loneliness is one that brings tremendous hope and assurance. It is recalling God’s promises. David recognized the seriousness of his circumstances and immediately remembered the times the Lord delivered him from trouble. God can train your mind to do the same thing. When trouble strikes, you can recall a promise from Scripture. It may be something quick and sure as, “Faithful is He who calls you, and He will bring it to pass” (1 Thes. 5:24). Or perhaps the hope found in Psalm 91:1 will

speak to you, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most high will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”

How do we overcome loneliness? There is one sure way, and that is fellowship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ, and time spent in Scripture. Jesus overcame Satan’s temptations by using the word of God as a sure defense, and you must do the same. Not only will you defeat loneliness, you will also lay a foundation of unshakable hope within your life that nothing can destroy. This is exactly what David did as a young man. Then years later, when adversity and loneliness struck, he proclaimed, “You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures for evermore” (Psalm 16:11).

C. Stanley

Unto Myself, my dear child, I would bring thee!

Who like Myself thy sure solace can be?

Who can reach down, down so deeply within thee?

Give to thy heart such a full sympathy?

Mournest thou sore that thy loved ones have failed thee?

Failed, sadly failed thy true comfort to be?

‘Why did they fail’ dost thou ask? Let me whisper…

‘That thou should’st find thy heart’s comfort in Me.’

Unto Myself! Ah, no not unto others,

Dearest, or sweetest, or fairest, or best;

Only in Me lieth unchanging solace,

Only in Me is thy promise of rest!

Child of My Love, to Myself I would bring thee!

Not to some place of most heavenly bliss;

Places, like people, may all disappoint thee,

Till thou hast learned to drink higher than this.

Unto Myself, my dear child, I would bring thee!

None like Myself thy full portion can be!

While, in my heart, there is hunger and longing

That I might find choicest treasure in thee.

Unto Myself! To Myself - not My service!

Then to most sweetly and certainly prove

That I can make thee My channel of blessing,

Use thee to shed forth the wealth of My Love.

J. Danson Smith