FAMILY CORNER
Norman Rockwell’s painting Freedom From Want has
been immortalized for depicting a family enjoying a special meal together.
Unfortunately, scenes like that famous
portrayal are the exception in today’s
society. Family mealtime has been consumed by busy schedules that force us to eat on the run. Dinnertime conversation frequently gets
exchanged for evening sitcoms. And numerous grandparents who live in retirement homes or elderly care
facilities never make it to the family table.
People over 60 years of age often feel
isolated from the world around them, as vast social and cultural changes have transformed their lives. The world
they recall had more neighbors and fewer shopping malls. It had more time and
fewer pressures. It had more live-in grandparents and fewer assisted living facilities. Unable to find a place in the present, many seniors
look over their shoulders to the past. Edith Schaeffer (widow of Christian apologist Francis
Schaeffer) on the brink of her 84th birthday, had a
lot to say about this issue. According to Edith, there is a link between the
contemporary notion of commitment and the displacement of the older generation.
“People are not promising something for any enduring length of time. It’s just
as long as it’s convenient for them, she says, citing high divorce rates as
evidence. There isn’t the determination to make lifetime commitments.” And that
lack of commitment permeates other aspects of life as well: business,
families, and the church.
In a world of
shallow promises, where families are valued less than the pursuit of personal
peace and affluence, how can aging men and women avoid living on the fringes of
society? “I think it’s a very sad situation if you’re not in touch with every
age, every generation,” says Edith. She speaks as one who is very dose to her
family, which now includes 60 members. “I stay in touch with them all. First of
all, I write a birthday card to every single one, with a little message on the
card. Never mind that they reply or not, but I write. Even if they don’t reply,
as you write and as you select the card, it gives you entrance into their
lives, and it makes you feel close.”
Staying in
touch with the young people who will shape our future is essential to Edith, who makes a concerted effort to see her grandchildren.
“I feel it is very important to travel and spend the money to be there,” she
says. “And to pray for them.” She encourages grandparents
to pray for each of their grandchildren daily and to keep up, if possible, with
what’s going on in their families. When physical or financial limitations
prevent travel, correspondence can keep people connected. And if there’s no
extended family, the grandchildren of, say, a co-resident at the assisted
living facility can easily be “adopted” as pen pals and prayer partners.
“I think it’s
important not to say, “I’m isolated and nobody cares about me, “says Edith, who
recommends the opposite approach of I’m the only great-grandmother they have,
and they’re not going to learn what it’s like to have a great-grandmother if I
don’t say something or do something. Instead of feeling sorry for oneself; she suggests we recognize that it’s important for
the younger ones to get to know a person of another generation.
Joining
the rest of the family for meals, when possible, is another practical way to
foster intergenerational relationships. “I think it’s
important to sit around a table and pray before eating,” Edith says. She also
uses mealtime as “a conversation time, not just [an occasion for] grabbing
something to eat.” She suggests reading a newspaper article of interest or a
chapter of a book at every meal — a story your family enjoys can make dinnertime
an affair everyone anticipates.
One of
God’s great blessings is a place at His table for all of His children—including
those who are unable to join their family here on earth. “There’s no perfection
here. But when Christ comes back, we’ll be included in that wonderful company
of people who are taking part in the marriage supper of the Lamb,” she says.
“I have a six-year-old great-grandchild who asked, ‘Will there be enough chairs
to go around?” And I said, “Yes, Jessica, there’ll be enough chairs. The Lord
is going to have a chair for everyone. Nobody will be without a chair.” It’s
such a realistic expectation of a little child. It should be a realistic expectation
of a person who is older.
At that
heavenly supper, we’ll be able to talk to Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, and whoever
we’re anxious to see. We’ll be together. Even if there’s an
isolation now, there is a togetherness ahead. There is a place set at
the table for each one of us.
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