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THE FAMILY CORNER
I will walk in my house in the
integrity of my heart.”
Psalm 101:2
Take
Care to Reward the Good
How
often have you yearned for some appreciation at work or at home? For those of us
who need to work in the world, we can do so much better for a boss who
compliments our efforts occasionally. Mark Twain once said, “I can live two weeks on a good compliment!”
I don’t know about two weeks, but if the compliment was sincere and good
enough, I suppose that I could.
I
don’t believe we realize how important it is to reward the ones we love, by
expressing honest praise when our family members do certain tasks well. Have
you ever noticed how the Apostle Paul starts out some of his letters to the
churches? Take Philippians and Thessalonians for examples and notice the tone of the
introductions:
Phil. 1:3-5: I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,
always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation of the gospel
from the first day until now.
1 Thes. 1:2, 3, 6, 7: We give thanks to God always for all of you, making mention of you
in our prayers; constantly bearing in
mind your work of faith and labor of love in steadfastness and hope in our
Lord Jesus Christ… You also became
imitators of the Lord and us…so that you became an example to all the believers
in
Now
imagine hearing those words from the Apostle Paul directed at you! I’m sure
that you would be more than willing to listen to everything that he has to say
to you after such a glowing greeting. Even when he offered criticism to the
Thessalonians, he surrounded it with love and encouragement. Is this the method
that you use with your children or spouse? Do you give thanks both for them,
and the things they do on a consistent basis?
Well, if you are anything like me, you do not do it nearly enough. For
those readers who were raised in a critical rather than an affirming home, it
would probably come as a great struggle to offer praise when our family members
are faithfully doing well in the little things around the home and in their
lives.
When was the last time you thanked your spouse for cooking dinner? Did
you take note when she/he caters to your
preferences rather than their own? Have you noticed any improvement that your
child has done in coloring, homework, or chores? When was the last time you
thanked your spouse for taking care of the bills or for showing frugality for not buying that really nice dress that
caught her eye? I know I appreciate very much when my wife shows self-control
in helping to keep our budget on target. My first inclination is to say, “Well, that is the only logical thing to
do!” However, instead, I try to praise her effort to resist something she
specially likes. I believe that we don’t spend nearly enough time building up our families with consistent, honest
praise.
With
our children, we are more apt to catch them in the act of missing the mark, than we do catching them doing well. How opposite
this is to our Father in heaven and our Lord Jesus! They do not sit and wait
for us to mess up. We did not learn this negative reaction from them but from
our ex-father -- Satan. We really need to keep score of the good things our
children and spouses do. For some of us
who have a more difficult time in rewarding with honest praise, we need to
commit to doing this in a very real way. Write down some of the little things
that you see going on in the home. If your child takes out the garbage when
asked once, let them know that you really are pleased that they obeyed with
promptness. If they take it out while moaning and groaning, then tell them how
glad you are that they still did it, even though they did not enjoy it. Perhaps
then this will help improve their attitude over time. Affirmation has a way of doing that! Most will try to live up to your praise and
affirmation of them. If you never show this to them, you can be sure that they
will continue in their whining, negative attitude.
There
is a hymn entitled: “Count your
blessings,” which encourages us to “name
them one by one.” It goes on to say that in so doing we will “see what God has done.” We will acknowledge
Him with thanksgiving. The same
principle should be applied to our families, and on the same consistent basis
as we praise and acknowledge our God. We take at least one day a week to
worship and thank Him for His loving-kindness, although we should be daily
learning to thank Him for and in all things. We should likewise be
pouring out blessings on our husbands, wives, and children; just as God pours
out His blessings on us. To do this, we need to spend time noticing the good
things our family does during the day.
This, in turn, will encourage them to want to improve their efforts in
all things.
Praise changes things!
Andrew Weeks