FAMILY CORNER
I will
walk in my house in the integrity of my heart.” Psalm 101:2
Two Little Words --- I’m Sorry.
Husbands and
Wives --
‘I’m sorry’ -- two of the hardest words
to utter in the history of mankind! Why are they so difficult to say to others?
What is the great treasure that is at
stake, causing us to swallow these simple words?
Well, there is indeed a lot at stake,
perhaps more than you know. Unfortunately, it is just your reputation! Men
seem to have a harder time with apologies than women. Being right, as far as a man is concerned, often means not relinquishing power, and he may
believe that it is important for him to be right
all the time. The pitfall is that this is a self-righteousness attitude that
gives a completely erroneous impression and opposite of the one that he desires
to give.
To
make situations worse is the perceived
attack of the spouse. She may say some harsh things that were really not
intended. In fact, her words are another way of expressing emotional pain. Obviously, this is not the righteous way to
respond, but men need to understand the reason
behind this type of a response. Unfortunately, the emotions may already be
controlling their own response as each tries to save face. Harsh words, when volleyed back, see the damage done,
and the words -- I’m sorry -- are even harder to come by
now.
When
men offend (and men, this does
happen), their wives may be quick to analyze
why it has happened. It may be that the man is not as correct as he thinks.
It is my observation that men are generally insensitive to the emotional state
of women. (The women reading must be shouting ‘amen’ to this!) So men, instead
of reacting as if your manhood has
been ravaged when your wife responds emotionally, perhaps you can stop and
think about why she has
responded harshly. Remember, “A gentle answer
turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger” (Prov. 15:1), and, “It
is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but a fool is quick to quarrel” (Prov. 20:3).
It is good to be
able to say, “I’m sorry my words upset
you. Can you tell me why?” Now do not expect an emotionally charged
atmosphere to flitter instantly away. Expect a somewhat softer, yet possibly, still terse
response. Try to talk it through and do
your best to understand why your
spouse feels as she does. It may very well be that you won’t understand, but this
is just an opportunity to pray over the matter and look for revelation from
your Father. “In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5,
6).
A wife needs to understand that an angry response coupled
with belittling remarks will accomplish nothing besides alienation and a wider
gap. Remember, if a man thinks he is
being attacked, he will feel vulnerable, and he won’t be as willing to give in
on his position no matter how shaky the ground may be on which he stands. Try
to ask yourself whether your words are attacking, and think of a way to approach him in a
manner that's not so threatening.
Parents and
Children
Another
unappreciated situation is parents unwilling to admit they are wrong to their
children. Here is a story that well illustrates this:
“One afternoon, Johnny
looked up to see his Dad come into his room to ask him something. As he walked across the room, he never
noticed that at the base of the window lay his son’s chess set, and he
proceeded to accidentally step on it, sending the pieces flying in every
direction. Without thinking, the father said rather sternly, “Johnny, you should not put your chess set
on the floor; it could get broken,” and walked out of the room, forgetting
the reason he came! A few minutes later,
Johnny walked into his Dad’s study, wanting to know what his Dad had come to
his room to ask him. Then, with a look
of concern on his face he said, “Dad, do
you realize that you walked into my room, kicked my chess set all over the
floor, scolded me…walked out and never even said you were sorry?” Fortunately, both father and son began to
laugh as they thought of what had occurred, and after the Dad apologized, Johnny
said, “You know, if I had come in here
and confronted you as I just did, and you had tried to defend yourself, I think
I would really have lost respect for you.’”
Such incidents as this may not seem
significant to us, but our reputation as
a parent is at stake when we fail to acknowledge wrongs done! How can our
children trust us if we fail to admit our mistakes? It can only lead to
resentment and the worst fear of a parent, the dreaded communication breakdown.
So much rides on our being willing to say, sincerely,
“I’m sorry!” Jesus tells us that before we can approach God in prayer, we need
to be reconciled to our spouse, child, and indeed any others where there is a
breach (Matt.
Andy Weeks